So… Yay for interesting summer bus rides with hot men being unable to stop glancing at you out...
So… Yay for interesting summer bus rides with hot men being unable to stop glancing at you out of the corner of their eye. He keeps almost smiling too. It’s sorta cute.
But I have learned my lesson on talking to strange men on the bus. Never worth the trouble, maybe one day I will be proved wrong. Who knows.
Today its just a kick ass ego stroke on the way to yoga.
I really need to figure out how to be a morning person. Or at least not rushing out the door at the...
I really need to figure out how to be a morning person. Or at least not rushing out the door at the last minute. I mean I wasn't too bad off today but still.
I am sleeping better with doing yoga again, so that's good. I suppose this is still adjustment period for the new job. I want to get back to laying out my clothes the night before, making lunch and having that ready to go. Just little things that might help.
And getting back to using the sleep schedule thing. After all when I was actively doing that I was waking up far easier. Instead of having to use like four alarms to get up.
Maybe I should just get a physical alarm clock rather than using my phone. And perhaps I shouldn't bore everyone with musing over my morning struggles. Ah well, this is my life.
It is also a Tuesday. I love Tuesdays. They mean time with my Lady after work. And this weeks Tuesday may include a reason to be wicked in a fitting room. I love going shopping with her. Still need to do out budget to make sure I can afford what I want to get but it makes me laugh that my mind goes to ‘oh Lady and I can do this wicked thing’. I have changed so from the why, terrified girl that first met her.
And the best thing? I get to see how I have changed her life as well. I get to male her proud, make her laugh. I get to share my life with her and her the same with me.
I think that is what love is about. Sharing, letting someone inside you, not to overwhelm who you are or anything like that. No, to let them be a part of your heart and dreams and blood.
I know the closer I get to her the more I feel I carry her with me, always.
3 Years with My Lady - I have not words
Sometimes I don't think the right words exist. Normally this occurs when I'm thinking about my relationships. The deeper they become the hard it is to describe them.
Especially with my Lady.
I have no words for how incredible she has been to me. For the way that she has changed my life for the better simply by being her and loving me. It has not always been easy, in fact it was incredibly hard on both of us at the start for different reasons. The love was there but understanding, communication, and trust had to come. I'm so glad we have reached a point of those things being core parts of us.
She challenges me, always has. I am a better person for her, and loving her inspires me to keep growing. So its time to tell a love story that was most unexpected.
We met on a writing forum, over three years ago. I had discovered her through a mutual writing partner and become a bit of a fan girl. Eventually I approached her, asking if she might want to write with me. She said yes, and I don’t think either of us expected what to happen to well.. happen. We became friends, very close ones, rather quickly.
There are some things we have in common that I don’t share with anyone else in my life. There’s an empathy she has with me that allows her to so flawless push my boundaries and make me feel safe at the same time. You see she’s always done that, my Lady has, pushing me to grow, challenging me to do more than I think I can do. She’s magic, to me at least.
It was not easy, though.
My Lady is selfish in that she does put herself first rather than constantly making others happy. She is who she is, and if you can’t understand that or accept what she has to give then she will be polite and friendly but there’s a boundary. And for years I was on the other side of that boundary. A lot of it was because I saw attention/time equal to love, and I was clingy and way too needy and immature. I am very grateful for her patience.
There were times where I was so sure she didn’t love me, that she couldn’t because if she did then she would never do X. Only now I realize it is the fact that she loved herself first was part of the reason for that. And the other… is because eventually she believed I would love myself in the same way.
Loving myself, having acceptance for myself has deepened my relationship with her, removed so much fear and doubt.
She gets under my skin like no one else, though my Lord is quickly figuring out his own ways of course. I love their relationship together, and the way I’m becoming such core part of it. I’m so honored to be their primary, and they seem so proud to be mine. And her, ah, we tease, for we know down the line I’ll be her girl, her submissive… her slave, one day. In some ways that dynamic is already there, so natural to us now, but we are holding back.
And that’s another reason I love her.
When I moved back here after my relationship with Handsome utterly fell apart I was wavering between either jumping too hard and far into another, or swearing all relationships off in general. My lady and I sat down though, and talked out what we wanted, laying out boundaries and… well she showed me that it was okay to put whatever boundaries I felt I needed. And that was when I understood at last what some of the boundaries she had put down when we first met were about. And why they were important still.
So we have boundaries, we know we will wait. We build on our relationship and now… well now I can say I have never been more confident and secure in a relationship before. I am completely myself with her, even self’s I’m not yet comfortable with. I have no fear that she will fall out of love with me, or give up on me. We’ve earned where we are, a hundred times over. And we are building such a beautiful, beautiful life together.
Perhaps this post seems disjointed, but it’s impossible, putting her into words, expressing, condensing everything that we are. I can only say that I love her, that I am proud to be her love, her girl, her Dove. And that I know for the rest of my life she will be the darkness to my light, the sin to my sweet.
She is my Lady Love.
Today wasn’t perfect, there was possible destruction of my tarot cards by rogue water bottle...
Today wasn’t perfect, there was possible destruction of my tarot cards by rogue water bottle and a wicked paper cut. But those really weren’t… all that massive. It was full of a lot of joy and laughter. I feel very very blessed to have the people I do in my life. Jewel, a most amazing friend, and my Lady and my Lord, the most incredible partners I could ever ask for.
And it was wonderful, to have Jewel comment after spending a morning with us just being us, that it was clear just how much my Lady loved me. It was the first time someone completely outside of everything made a comment like that. And it made me feel… I don’t know. Like some line was crossed, some bit of a ‘normal’ relationship. Regardless, I was happy. It was amazing.
And I learned so much at the yoga workshop!
Now for work tomorrow, more studying on insurance stuffs, more yoga and more joy. Because I truly do have so much to be grateful for.
Miss
I miss my Miss.
It’s odd, I’ve tried not to think about it too much, to understand that she’s busy with the move going one, that she needs space and there’s also the fact that the time difference has made contact with my new job more difficult. I’m in at work by the time she’s awake, and just.. we haven’t talked, really talked in awhile outside of a bit last weekend.
I know that our relationship has changed forever, both because she broke up with me and because I didn’t beg her to take me back right away. It just couldn’t work like that. But the closer it gets to her coming back to Texas the more I hope that we might be able to really rebuild our friendship, to the point where we can spend time together, where we can lose whole days in one another again.
I guess I worry sometimes, that I’ll never find that friendship again, because we went so quickly from being friends into being romantic partners. I worry about her too, with the move, with how hard some of the stress has been on her, with the knowledge that she was drinking the other night. It’s not that she can’t take care of herself, I know she can. I just wish I could help, that I could be there somehow. But then I remind myself that trying to push myself into her life as a friend might only hurt her more while she’s trying to figure out how to not be with me.
It sucks not knowing how to act in a relationship, to be always hoping there will be a text or a phone call, some sign that it’s okay to reach out. But she’ll be back in Texas soon enough, and then we have a chance to reclaim some thins. Like late night Jack in the Box runs and Charmed marathons, like pedicures and girl days.
Yoga - Getting Back to it
Because I am. Last night was exactly what I needed. And man was I right that not going had affected my sleeping. I slept soundly for the first time in weeks. I am a very happy girl. And excited to go jump right back in. Oh I know I’ll probably be sore tomorrow but it will be worth it!
Yoga, it’s what’s good for a star.
Today was a Friday. It seems a simple enough statement but it was a Friday in all the best of ways....
Today was a Friday.
It seems a simple enough statement but it was a Friday in all the best of ways. With all the eagerness for the weekend even while having things mysteriously and happily go oh so perfect.
The day started out in a good manner for a Friday. Which is to mean that I woke up a little later than planned but still managed to be out the door on time with everything needed for the day. Ot was a cloudy grey day on the way to the bus stop with my morning call with my Lord to provide all the sunshine I needed. I also got to talk to Jewel this morning and finalize plans for a girls day on Sunday. So the build up of eagerness for the weekend proceeded in text book style.
Work was crazy, not negative just really really busy. I had the same eager watching of the clock that a school girl might. First came lunch, utterly delicious with loads of veggies and my daily lunch chat with my Lady. We talked about grown up things like cars and insurance and money. But it had a happy outcome because I realized there is no point to canceling yoga for a few more months yet. It’s not that I need her to validate my choices, just that she also happens to be my favorite sounding board. But yes, yay for yoga. Having been absent for almost two weeks now I can easily say that I really really miss my studio and its worth the time and money to go. Not just the exercise but the time with myself, a way of processing my life… Lots of things.
Lunch ended too quick and it was back to work. But it wasn’t horrid. Though I am starting to hear phantom phone calls. I worked hard, eye on the clock to leave on time and make the early bus for yoga tonight. Which I made!!
So yoga tonight…and then tomorrow I’m getting up early to go to the studio for several classes in a row. And seeing Dark Metal. And then writing and art and alone time.
Sunday will have a movie with my Lady, my Lord and Jewel. Followed by girl time with Jewel, who’s husband might not have been joking when he said he lost his wife one day a weekend. It’s just so much fun to have a girl friend like her. We will most likely end up back at my place, doing our nails, watching Lost Girl and then going to yoga that evening.
Funny thing is? As awesome and wonderful as my weekend is looking to be I also look forward to Monday, to learning more and going through the cycle again. Life is good. It just takes work, even after reaching good things. I know I need and want to put attention and time toward several very important things. Like eating the food I love that nourishes me, spending the time to male it. Taking the time to go to yoga, making the choice to spend energy on myself that way. Building my relationships, not just with my three solid partners but also with my friends, like Jewel.
Living is hard, but Friday’s well they remind me why it is also such an amazing thing.
The products of my night spent on myself. Dinner was delicious,...
The products of my night spent on myself. Dinner was delicious, so many veggies, and just a light pesto based sauce on the pasta. Pretty happy with the nails, funky but still professional for work. Was going to try polk a dots but apparently I suck at them. Ah well.
Relationship with Self - Being Alone
I fall into traps sometimes. Or not traps but patterns of negative behavior, or maybe its not even that it’s negative for most people but it can be for me. Basically like most people I have moments of back sliding as it were. In most ways my life is wonderful and I am much better at taking care of myself.
But I have been slack on taking time for myself, again. I got into the habit of getting online as soon as I got home and spending all my time with friends. It’s such an easy one to slid into. Browsing tumblr, writing on E, listening to music, just general relaxing on my computer.
Tonight though I knew I needed time for myself. I forget how important that can be for me to maintain balance. And with not being able to make it to yoga that’s removed some of the time I use to block out for myself. So tonight I made the intention before I ever got home and I carried it through. I put up all my laundry. I swept and dusted my room. I made an amazing, delicious dinner that was pretty healthy. I watched Xena [finished season three!] and did my nails. I texted with a few friends, but largely just enjoyed being on my own.
I still want company. I still want to have someone around, to curl into them, to share moments with another person. But I feel better for having reminded myself that I can do really well on my own too. It’s part of building a relationship with myself. And if it means shutting off the rest of the world and doing something as simple as painting my nails then I’m going to do that. Whenever I need to.
Life - Just another morning and random thoughts
I did not want to get up this morning. Sore and crampy I could think of several things I would have rather done than going into work. Only.. when I actually thought about work I realized that wasn’t true.
I take pride in my job now, I love the learning and the people. I realized that I didn’t want to miss a day or even be late unless there was no other choice.
Which I do realize is how it is suppose to be when one is an adult. I’m not particularly proud of how dismissive I became toward my previous job toward the end, not that I skipped days. I didn’t unless I was ill. But I was often late the last month or so.
I don’t want to be that girl. I want to be this one that takes pride in work ethic and is dedicated enough to drag myself out of bed when I want some pain killers and cuddles and loads of sleep. Pain killers were still a part of it, but so was making lunch, getting dressed and out the door on time. Tonight I will do yoga when I get home, and clean my room, put up laundry and make something delicious for dinner. And then it might just be time to curl up with a movie and relax.
You know something? I really like my life.
Photo
Poly/Life - A Good Tuesday
I love Tuesdays.
Perhaps it’s the fact that it’s date night, normally with my Lady Love, but sometimes with my Lord Captain. I love that it’s that time I get with one of them, regardless. Tuesday is a day I always look forward to it.
Today is was the first day back at work after the holiday reason, and one that was rather emotionally fraught. Part of it I realize now had to do with natural hormone swings, but other parts touched to different things. It was enough that it was the first day back at work, and while I had a few stumbling blocks over all I did really well and felt incredibly welcomed by those at work with me. And I really do love my new boss.
After work I got to go outside and see my Lady Love waiting for me. She spoiled me with dinner, where M1 met up with us to give me the money he’s loaning me. For a bit the three of us just sat around and talked and it was really rather nice. I got several awesome hugs from him. And I was left feeling incredibly touched all over again by his thoughtfulness and support.
I was also surprised to find out that my Lady had guessed at the situation I was in with food and money and had already tucked money away into her account to give me for groceries. My pride hadn’t really hidden anything from me. And I realized that she respects me enough to wait until I ask for help… and that I need to learn not to be so wary of asking for it. Not just on things like that, but also in sharing emotions I struggle with.
My Lady and I lingered over dinner, talking out some of the emotional ups and downs of the weekends, some of the things I had realized about myself this weekend. Like the fact that I do need aftercare, not just after scening lightly, but also with sexual contact in general. And that’s okay, it’s not a bad thing, or a really surprising one considering everything I’ve gone through. I’m learning to give self compassion to my emotional self as well as my physical. There’s also the fact that I’ve felt slightly more drawn to DD/lg type of dynamic lately, and been unsettled by it.
She of course pointed out that that comes out more when I get stressed or emotionally unsure, when I want someone else to take over and that it could be dangerous. I agreed, but commented that that craving is more for a moment, a scene in which I could let go completely, or a few hours with someone, or a day or something, than a desire to have that over my life in general. Because I don’t want to give up where I am right now. I don’t.
We talked about our relationship some, and flirting, and possible other relationship threads that were appearing in my life, and work and yoga and loads of stuff. Because that’s what we do, she and I. I spill out everything to her because that’s simply who we are to each other. She’s a part of my soul, my Lady Love.
After dinner she took me grocery shopping. As I filled up my cart I sort of marveled at the way my diet has changed over the past year. Beans, veggies, eggs, V*8 juice, greek yogurt, fruit, health bars. I nourish my body. I also have realized that this lovely monthly time is far worse in comparison to others the past few months because I’m not doing as much yoga. And I’ve popped more lately in just moving than norm for me now. I crave the physical exercise. Weird, but pretty wonderful.
For awhile after getting home we just sat on the bed, talking and laughing and flirting. When she touches me… I don’t even have words.
I realized just how much I love how regular we’ve become. How we find the balance for us. Sometimes she wants to step in more, to take care of me, sometimes I want that. But we both hold back, finding a balance to make sure I keep growing, I keep becoming more independent and yet she’s there every step of the way. The intimacy we share of emotions and thoughts is breathtaking. And us… I love us. I love how we are. I love being her’s.
We tried Hemlock Grove for a new show, finding it deliciously creepy and maddeningly enthralling while it made very little sense. Too soon it was time for her to go, though we spoke of possible weekend plans and I know we’ll get time together again soon. I have yoga this weekend, something I’m very excited for. And maybe just a little bit of giddy over getting to see Dark Metal. Just a little. I rather like that it’s going to always be at the crush phase with him. It’s sort of nifty.
… I am rather rambly tonight.
I just… love how I can talk to her about anything and everything in my life. That I have no secrets from her. That she’s so incredibly supportive, protective and loving. Two years ago, even a year ago I would have never believed I would be where I am now. Each day is a blessing. And each day builds on the relationship we share, even if Tuesday nights are the very best of the week.
Friends - Full of Surprises
Today supplied a few surprises in terms of one of my friends, we shall call him M1 for the purpose of this blog. Like a super spy man I suppose. ~laughs~ He’s really awesome, regardless, and part of the Group of friends that my Lady Love and my Lord Captain introduced me to. I’ve known him nearly as long as I have my Lord actually, just a day less I believe.
We spent a lot of time chatting about stuff today, ranging all over and I very much enjoyed getting to know him more. What I wasn’t ready for was the response when I realized I hadn’t eaten since lunch with my Lady and my Lord. Which I know I’ll likely get scolded for now, but I wasn’t thinking about it much, I had cramps and I was sort of in the mindset of the less I eat the longer what I have will last.
Which with the gap between the old job and the new one’s first paycheck was going to be a bit tight. When M1 figured that out he asked if I needed help. I said I could most likely make it, sort of eluding the question.
Did I want help? Sort of yes. But at the same time no. Because for the past few months, outside of having things covered when I go out, I’ve been the one to cover my rent, my share of the house bills, my groceries, and sometimes even my food when dining out. Add on top of that yoga, and paying off a medical bill and a credit card steadily.
I purposefully sort of laughed about it earlier when I was asked by my parents. I have rice, I have sausage. I have a bit of spinach. I think there’s some black beans in the pantry that are mine as well. I’ve been in worse situations, and so what if I have to give up eating particularly healthy for a week or two. I guess it’s pride, and also a bit of not wanting to admit that I need help.
But he said he had been there before himself, and that worrying about food shouldn’t be part of the transition period in the new job. Apparently others in the group helped him when he was in a similar place. So he got a bit insistant, and I confessed that I wanted to say yes but I felt guilty about it. He said it was happening regardless and I almost wanted to cry.
I’m really rather touched, insanely so. I can hardly believe I have friends like him. I do feel so very very lucky. And cared for. This is also the same man that helped me fine tune my resume, that gave me amazing tips on interviews and jobs in general. I admire him on so many levels, and now he’s this kind on top of that.
Yeah… I’m pretty damn lucky with who I have in my life now.
Sensual Starlight: Poly - Processing
Sensual Starlight: Poly - Processing:I'm a little… unsettled right now. I don't know quite why. I had an amazing time with my Lord Captain today. The movie was awesome [Into Darkness], and we went to this kick ass burger place together that's actually pretty famous. Lots of flirting and laughter. And when we got back to my place……
Maybe you want to be in a full time relationship with them. ?
Thank you for responding. <3
My first reaction was to reject this idea completely. Because I do have a full time relationship with them, I do, it just doesn't happen to be a live in relationship. I want that, eventually, but right now things are where I need them to be at. Just not necessarily where I want them to be at.
I almost canceled the plans to see them today, and even when I did join them in the car they both picked up that something was wrong. I kept it inside though, trying to figure it out for myself still. I'm grateful to have partners who love me enough to give me a little bit of space, and then start pushing to get me to open up, in a non threatening way.
After the movie [Epic, which was great btw] we ended up sitting down for lunch and I started sharing some of what I was feeling.
I also realized that part of the issue actually traces back to something I did with my Sir Tempest that started a domino effect. And I realized that I had to be honest with myself that being physically intimate for me is still something that is incredibly intense and intimate and I need time to come down off that. I don't want to pause or put on holt the relationships, far from it. But I have accepted now that what happened is really similar to sub drop, and that it is okay to feel that needy and uncertain after being intimate with someone.
Self compassion has to be something I apply not only to my body but also my heart, my emotions. So I'm working to accept that I might need more help in coming down off things then most people. That I need 'aftercare' before I part from a lover. It's completely valid, and even if it does complicate things a little bit more my partners will work with me.
My Lady and my Lord both had me laughing and smiling by the time I came home today. Do I want more time with them? Yes, but I always do. I'll get to see her tomorrow after work, and we can talk more about things. I think the biggest thing I need to keep in mind is that while yes, my emotions are on me to deal with, they are also valid, regardless of what they are, and that I have to accept them and adapt rather than trying to ignore anything I dislike.
"The point for me is to create relationships based on deeper and more real notions of trust. So that..."
"The point for me is to create relationships based on deeper and more real notions of trust. So that love becomes defined not by sexual exclusivity, but by actual respect, concern, commitment to act with kind intentions, accountability for our actions, and a desire for mutual growth."- Dean Spade (via thecannibalistictimes)
Poly - Processing
I’m a little… unsettled right now. I don’t know quite why. I had an amazing time with my Lord Captain today. The movie was awesome [Into Darkness], and we went to this kick ass burger place together that’s actually pretty famous. Lots of flirting and laughter. And when we got back to my place… heavens I don’t have words for how he makes me feel when I’m in his arms.
But I feel like I’m crashing almost now. I feel teary and despondent and I want to be held and I just… unnerving. It’s almost like sub drop, so maybe poly drop? Maybe a emotional drop off when after such an amazing time together he goes home to my Lady and I stay here alone.
I don’t regret the time with him, I don’t regret how close and intimate our relationship is becoming. That is not what I’m trying to imply at all.
I’m just confused as to why I feel so emotionally.. vulnerable right now. Maybe it’s because life is going so well in general right now, and I’ve been so happy that there’s some instinctual “Ah fuck this isn’t going to last, hunker down” mindset. Or maybe it’s backlash from the hours of conflict yesterday with the private clients. Who knows. I know this isn’t how I feel in general though, so I’ll breathe, smile and focus on the fact that I get to see both him and my Lady tomorrow.
Growth - Standing up for myself...
As some of you may or may not know, I do work on the side as an artist, a private commission one. Over the past few months I’ve been working on a particular project to illustrate a book that at first I was really excited for. I’m not going to go into a whole load of details because the nitty gritty of it isn’t that important.
What is is the fact that I stood up for myself tonight.
I realize there were a fair amount of mistakes and issues on my part as well; like going into this with only a verbal contract, and offering flat rates & a discount to someone because they were a friend of the leather family that helped me out here. those led to a lot of frustration on my part as my trust and niceness led to me being shorted work wise compared to pay. But I have learned my lesson there and am even now working up legal contracts for any further commissions I do in the future.
When things first started going sour I held off saying much, hoping to get a job through the client’s boyfriend’s networking. The one time I did express frustration over having to redraw one piece a multitude of times [and a highly foreshortened one which is a pain] I got scolded for being unprofessional and told that wasn’t how a true artist responded.
I had expressed that out of the belief that we were in this as collaborators and friends. But I bit my tongue, accepted the scolding and kept working. It made me regret the deep discounts I had given, but that’s another lesson learned.
Anyway, eventually there came a time were the client and her SO’s vanished, flat out gone for two weeks and I attempted to contact them several times, etc. I didn’t move forward on the work, as I had not gotten approval on what I had done and I also was past the point that I had been paid for. Today I got contacted by the client’s Dom, who got angry and started lecturing me about how I should have kept working on it, how unprofessional it was, etc… when I started to defend myself he hung up on me.
So I went to Legally Sinful and asked for her advice and help in writing a termination letter. We worked on it for a few hours, and I went over my invoice record of the art I had done before sending it.
Shortly after I got phone calls from both the client’s Dom and the leather family’s patriarch. I ignored both. If we are speaking on this in a strictly professional real world space then she should be the one to speak to me, not anyone else. Part of me felt terrified, like I was doing this impossible thing by not only standing up to two Dominant men, but also ignoring their phone calls. But the truth is they may identify as Dom’s but they are not my Dom’s, nor does D/s enter into business agreements.
I didn’t agree to be submissive to either of them. The fact that I identify as a submissive has nothing to do with the fact that I’m an artist. That aspect of myself only comes into play with my partners, my Lady Love, my Lord Captain and my Sir Tempest. And sometimes, sometimes, others as well but not often.
No one else has the right to boss me around, or try to bully me. And they sure as hell dont’ have the right to try and guilt trip or manipulate me.
I wouldn’t have ended the commission contract if I had been treated well. If I had been treated like the professional they claim to want. How can I act professionally when they constantly talk down to me, treat me like some kid, or like a sub that’s suppose to whimper and scamper to what they say? No. I am a grown woman, an adult, and I take care of myself.
Part of me wanted to go to my Lady, or even my Lord when it started to turn ugly today, to let them handle it. There was the thought that they might respect another Dom’s word more than mine. But Legally Sinful pointed out that I didn’t want to do that, I was being professional. And that’s true. It was my battle, my commission, and I handled it. My submission is a part of me, but it’s sure as hell not all of me. I want to be able to stand on my own two legs. Running off to a partner to take care of it for me wouldn’t have solved the issue or made me feel good about it in the long run.
End of story? This princess slays her own damn dragons.
Poly - Amazing Meta-amore - Introducing Legally Sinful
In poly most often I have metaamores I am okay with. Not people I'm particularly close to but who I respect and care for to a certain degree because of their relationship with someone I love.
Sometimes though you luck out into someone you view as a friend on their own merits and they the same. I have that with one of my Lord's lovers, a woman who is also incredibly close to my Lady. Let's call her Legally Sinful for now.
She is just rather amazing, and so supportive. Yesterday I was giddy over her asking me to lunch next month. We have never met face to face but talk a handful of times a month at least. She is also a big reason why I finally made the choice to take care of myself first. So she's rather inspirational. And so incredibly sweet.
LS heard about me going through the legal name change and said she would happily help me with the application and look over it for me. She's a lawyer by profession, so that offer is made in earnest. Somehow she seems to have a sixth sense for when I might need some encouragement and gives it. I am truly grateful to have her in my life. In an expression of that offer she sent me several great links to resources for said change.
And then today.
Ah sweet heavens above, I don’t know what I would have done without her today. I had a blow up with a private client of mine over a commission and got to beyond the point of fedup with the whole situation. So I went to her, laid out the details and shared some of the correspondance over it with her. She helped me work out a professional breach of contract letter that ended the agreement in a very adult way. Exactly what I wanted after being constantly treated as if I had no idea because I was a kid. She also has the type of wit to make me laugh while we worked on it.
So yes, I feel very blessed to have her in my life, and very excited to finally meet her in person. I really want to build up our friendship more. I admire her so much as a person.
"I SHOULD REALLY BE USED TO BEING TURNED ON AND HORRIFIED AT THE SAME TIME BY NOW"
"I SHOULD REALLY BE USED TO BEING TURNED ON AND HORRIFIED AT THE SAME TIME BY NOW"-
me (via treesong)
Yeah… me too.
The Problem with 'Boys Will Be Boys'
The Problem with 'Boys Will Be Boys':For months, every morning when my daughter was in preschool, I watched her construct an elaborate castle out of blocks, colorful plastic discs, bits of rope, ribbons and feathers, only to have the same little boy gleefully destroy it within seconds of its completion.
No matter how many times he did it, his parents never swooped in BEFORE the morning's live 3-D reenactment of "Invasion of AstroMonster." This is what they'd say repeatedly:
"You know! Boys will be boys!"
"He's just going through a phase!"
"He's such a boy! He LOVES destroying things!"
"Oh my god! Girls and boys are SO different!"
"He. Just. Can't. Help himself!"
I tried to teach my daughter how to stop this from happening. She asked him politely not to do it. We talked about some things she might do. She moved where she built. She stood in his way. She built a stronger foundation to the castle, so that, if he did get to it, she wouldn't have to rebuild the whole thing. In the meantime, I imagine his parents thinking, "What red-blooded boy wouldn't knock it down?"
She built a beautiful, glittery castle in a public space.
It was so tempting.
He just couldn't control himself and, being a boy, had violent inclinations.
She had to keep her building safe.
Her consent didn't matter. Besides, it's not like she made a big fuss when he knocked it down. It wasn't a "legitimate" knocking over if she didn't throw a tantrum.
His desire — for power, destruction, control, whatever- - was understandable.
Maybe she "shouldn't have gone to preschool" at all. OR, better if she just kept her building activities to home.
I know it's a lurid metaphor, but I taught my daughter the preschool block precursor of don't "get raped" and this child, Boy #1, did not learn the preschool equivalent of "don't rape."
Not once did his parents talk to him about invading another person's space and claiming for his own purposes something that was not his to claim. Respect for her and her work and words was not something he was learning. How much of the boy's behavior in coming years would be excused in these ways, be calibrated to meet these expectations and enforce the "rules" his parents kept repeating?
There was another boy who, similarly, decided to knock down her castle one day. When he did it his mother took him in hand, explained to him that it was not his to destroy, asked him how he thought my daughter felt after working so hard on her building and walked over with him so he could apologize. That probably wasn't much fun for him, but he did not do it again.
There was a third child. He was really smart. He asked if he could knock her building down. She, beneficent ruler of all pre-circle-time castle construction, said yes… but only after she was done building it and said it was OK. They worked out a plan together and eventually he started building things with her and they would both knock the thing down with unadulterated joy. You can't make this stuff up.
Take each of these three boys and consider what he might do when he's older, say, at college, drunk at a party, mad at an ex-girlfriend who rebuffs him and uses words that she expects will be meaningful and respecte, "No, I don't want to. Stop. Leave."
The "overarching attitudinal characteristic" of abusive men is entitlement.
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